I honestly never knew boobs had so many names; ‘tatas’ was definitely a new one to me. Actually there was a website listing 300 names for boobs, though the celebrity ones I thought were rather odd. But let’s not be awkward and let’s just talk about them. Brilliant, bouncing boobies! Well that’s easy enough isn’t it? For most types of company, it appears there is a suitable word for these body parts. And let’s not forget their brilliance in raising our Childers and well you know, pleasure and yes pain if they get in the way at night and the dreaded heading down south as we age in years.
And now let’s talk cancer. Not so much fun really. Sometimes, even abbreviated to the big C. There are really not many synonyms for it and none that really you would like to think about in any positive way. If you are uncomfortable with discussing cancer, please step away from the blog now.
Image from knowyourlemons.com
On April 13th around 15:30 I sat in a room with a nurse and a consultant. After initial pleasantries and introductions I heard the words “the biopsies confirm you have breast cancer”. A mere second in my life I will remember forever. Pass the microphone to me “OK, is it in my lymph node?”. It took a while for the first part to really register, actually days and several interrupted nights. I kind of had the feeling that these might be the words I was to hear at the appointment, I just wanted to know whether it had metastasised (started to spread in my body). Lymph node results were described as “equivocal” so the spread won’t be ascertained for certain until I have surgery.
The subsequent days were quite weird. The words “I have cancer” don’t come out very easily and sounded so strange. I called my friend after the hospital appointment and remember pausing and the silence and not quite knowing how to make the words come out. I found that I could cope with cancer having so much of my day, which is why it took a while to tell my friends about it and family. I struggled a lot with the question “how are you?” if I met someone, so deliberately avoided the school playground. I had my second Covid vaccination the Saturday after my biopsy result appointment. I got to the front of the queue and the guy said “you’re fit and healthy you can go to bay 6 (the furthest bay)”. I thought as I walked, sure I can walk better than the older lady that had been in front of me, but she probably doesn’t have cancer!
I’m still all the things I was and am before the news, it’s me just with cancer. On the day of the appointment I woke up and thought I could have cancer but not know it, the next day when I awoke I woke just the same, but knowing I did have cancer. I didn’t feel any different than I felt the day before, I just knew the lump in my boob had the potential to kill me if left untreated. It took a while to digest this and try to process it. In fact it is very hard to process as I didn’t feel unwell, but I do have cancer.
Finding the words.
You ask me how I’m doing,
And I don’t quite know what to say,
The world has slighted shifted,
It’s not the same as yesterday,
Of course each day never is,
The same as that before,
Life has flow and movement,
Like the river runs it’s course,
My world it slighted shifted,
As I’m processing the news,
I have a tumour growing.
Hidden away here in my boob!
It’s the kind that likes to wander,
To explore, to go roam free,
But for now it looks to be lingering,
And no additional base camps we see,
Loss is a transforming process,
I hold onto that, amongst the news,
I know I will gave surgery,
I might finally get back a perky boob!
The rest of treatment is unclear,
As yet we do not know,
The road ahead is foggy,
But God is with me that I know,
I know there will be bumps ahead,
And for so many things I’m grateful,
For family, friendship, laughs & smiles,
All this things help keep me stable,
I’m sharing this with you,
Because I care for you, I do,
And we never walk alone in life,
I’m still here for you.
But if you ask me how I’m doing
I still find it hard to say,
I’m now living with cancer,
And it changes my perspective in oh so many ways.
Written by me!
For more information visit:
www.breastcancernow.org
Boob doughnuts special order from doe foods.com