Lockdown Week 4: Learning to Free Fall
- Bex Harper
- Apr 19, 2020
- 5 min read
Lockdown Week Four has been the hardest so far; mostly because it is felt like, at best, being on an emotional seesaw and at worst, on a full on loop-the-loop roller coaster. I think the American name for seesaw sums it up in better detail - teeter-totter. I feel like I’ve teetered and tottered my way through the week somehow, no alcohol consumed either! In one day we have gone from discussing the prospect of Papa returning to his home, to three hours later being notified that he was on increasing amounts of oxygen. He remains oxygenating but stable. We are now getting our heads around the mindset, that no news, is just that. The virus has behaved very differently to how we expected based on reports in the media. It has been slow and the path ahead ever changing and obfuscate. Not surprising from what I remember of immunology and virology from my degree. For each and every one, the outcome and effect of the virus is it a question of viral load versus immune response as far as I can fathom. Though I am not a medic, this is my perception of the challenge of Covid19, facing modern medicine. For so long we have had the luxury of having medicine as a backup for the immune systems, what an amazing blessing. And right now, it feels like we have a little less of that surety and the fragility of life strikes us in a new way.
In all of the teeter and tottering we have attempted to maintain “normal” for the Childers, which has been a challenge. All Systems Grow has continued. The seedlings the Littlest and I planted are now doing rather well. In as test of patience, I can confirm to any other fellow (novice) gardeners, that currently, it is taking a week for them to sprout indoors. In fact, they are all growing much better than expected and I am not sure I will have enough garden! My Littlest was rather liberal with her seed sowing. I have dug and weeded in epic fashion. I have also now managed to source and sort a delivery of top soil and compost (woo hoo 😃), ready for when my little seed babies should venture out into the big outdoors! I am not sure whether my mini greenhouse will arrive before or after these seed babies have all grown! This week it has been the little things that have seemed to be frustrating, like waiting and waiting for delivery’s. I know in perspective these are only small things, but sometimes the it’s the little things that keep you going with all the big things going on.
I admit I snuck out on Tuesday for a walk and some respite. Sometimes it a question of mental health over physical. It was the longest I have sat still in a long time. It was so beautiful to sit next to a stream, nestled up against the strong and sturdy bark of a tree, that was probably there before me and will be there after me. Just to listen to the running water and watch the flitting of the birds swooping and swirling and gathering for their nests. Peaceful and calm. I even meditated a while. It was such an amazing grounding experience in all the emotional turbulence. I needed it, for body, mind and soul.
Of course, I sanitised my hands after opening any gate and decided that a four meter distance from any person seemed safer. It is weird to go out into the world in this way. As much as I long to see people, greet them and smile, I admit I felt slightly scared in case they might be asymptomatic walking viral incubators 😔 How tops turvy the world seems to have become? As someone who has struggled with suicidal periods in their life it is hard to get my head around being somewhat scared of dying. For at times, it is seen as a beautiful release from immense pain and endeavouring to cope too long. So Corona World has shown me with crystalline clarity the difference between a well and poorly brain. But there this is getting rather depressing!
Time for a bit of Disney! Our Easter movie was Frozen 2 and for me it is one of the best sequels I have ever seen and could stand alone in its own right. It is also one of the few movies my Littlest will actually sit through. Her sit-ability is about as good as my patience 😆! We all very much enjoyed the new songs, some very apt, like doing the next right thing and to keep on putting one foot in front the other. And whilst I’ve dug for victory or rather sanity, she has treated the neighbours to a long renditions of “Let it Go” and that is the only line in the song she sings, over and over 😱. At least we can share the joys of Lockdown 😂 She also discovered the recorder this week from its previous hiding place. So that was promptly deposited behind the sofa, and we don’t move that unless I get in one of my mega cleaning moods / furniture rearranging mood or we are hunting a mouse gifted by our kitty. Of course the Eldest then mastered making the most atrocious screeching noises through a plastic tube; thankfully now hidden by Daddy. Peace is precariously restored - huzzah.
After a frustrating start to yesterday morning, being awake with the Littlest in the night and then up early with her, I was a bit of a grumpy bum. My artistic ventures for the Throne Room have been hampered this week by my grout not being quite right and having to wait for more to arrive...when is it coming...I don’t know? 😩 I am getting the distinct impression I am having to learn patience this Lockdown, hopefully, I’ll learn it quickly and be done with that life lesson 😉🤭. But it has meant I finally decided to rest my trusty spade, well you needed to wear thermals to garden yesterday anyway, and open up the novel that has twice crossed the Atlantic with me and never got to being opened. So a little novel therapy, a brief but beautiful escape from Week 4. Totally enjoying it. It feels quite delicious to tuck myself away and escape into a book. Back now to Sunday Sunshine and rest, before we venture into Week 5. Here’s to you surviving Lockdown too, take care, stay safe and stay sane.
After writing this article I came upon this perfectly timed email and website in my inbox:
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